Imagine being born in 1996. A child born out of a bit of excitement after England beat Holland 4-1. Your dad shagged your mum in the Sirloin toilet in Chingford creating you. You’ve never seen Spurs finish above Arsenal. You’ve also seen Arsenal win the league at your ground, go unbeaten, win the double twice, and overhaul your FA Cup wins. You also still don’t know who it was that knocked your mum up in the toilet that fateful day you were conceived. Imagine being born in 1991. Your dad got a bit over excited at Gazza’s free kick and screwed your mum there and then on the sofa creating you. You are now 25. You’ve seen Spurs finish above Arsenal, twice, but can’t remember them. You do however remember 2004. The year Arsenal went unbeaten. The year they won it at White Hart Lane. You celebrate Nayim, but you forget Parma. And a domestic cup double.
Imagine being 35. You were born in 1981. Your dad shagged a random bird after the UEFA Cup win. She never saw him again. You are now a middle aged man in a job going no where. Your misses and kids have left you. You sit at home all day in your bed sit wondering where it all went wrong. Maybe you are thinking about becoming a YouTube star. Supplementing your minimum wage ware house job working in a distribution centre in Enfield. You still go on about that Gazza free kick. 1991. But you forget Arsenal in 93. How excited were you in 2001 when you were 1-0 up? That was Sol Campbell’s last ever Spurs game. Injured giving away the free kick for Arsenal’s equaliser. I’m sure you remember your most successful captain in the last 30 years?
Imagine being born in 1966. A baby born out of the europhia of England’s World Cup win. Conceived in the car park of the Beehive Pub on White Hart Lane. Between the bins. You know the place. Well you are now 50. Only 15 more years till you can retire. And what a life of footballing disappointment you have lived. 50 years old and never seen your team win the league. In comparison, the 20 year old friend of your son who you’ve never met, you remember, from that bird you shagged in the Sirloin toilet in 96, he has seen his team win the league 3 times. And at White Hart Lane once. Your other son, born 5 years earlier after a fumble on the sofa with your then misses has also only even known failure. That must hurt.
1951 you were born? Imagine that, after Spurs first won the league you say? You were 10 in 1961? Good for you. You are now 65. How’s retirement old boy? What? You know you have a 35 year old son out that that you never met? A bird you shagged after the 81 UEFA Cup win? Call Jeremy Kyle. He will be able to help you track him down. A family reunion. How nice. Just a pity you will die having seen your team win just the 1 league title. You are old enough to at least boast about being their, at White Hart Lane, in 1971 & 2004. That makes it 3 league titles you’ve seen right?
Imagine being the old boy in the corner. Born just before the war broke out. 1936 to be exact. He is now 80. He is a survived. Those nights sleeping in the underground. Waking up the next day not knowing if your house would be there. Daddy never came back from WW2. He didn’t die. He just got with a nice Polish bird and never came home. He was 30. Probably still fed up of seeing Arsenal moving to North London and wining 5 league titles, whilst Tottenham of Middlesex only had a 2nd division title to show off. Anyway, you survived. Good for you. And by 15 you had already seen Spurs win their first league title. Although the you’d have to sit through Arsenal winning one first. And of course, 1961. Although you have also seen Arsenal win the league twice. You’re up to two. And you’re still just 25. At this rate Spurs will be in double figures for league titles before you die. Could even over take Arsenal.
13 league titles, you’ve only won 2.