LEAKED: Full transcript from Arsenal Board Meeting

Arsenal Holdings plc Board Meeting

31st May 2017



Arsene Wenger’s new contact

Ivan Gazidis’s changes

Player recruitment


AW = Arsene Wenger
SK = Stan Kroenke
IG = Ivan Gazidis
TR = The Rest
Apologies: Josh Kroenke

Item 1 – Arsene Wenger’s new contact

SK: I have agreed with Arsene a new 2 year contract, any objections?
IG: I object SK: Arsene how do you find the objection?
AW: Overruled
SK: That’s agreed then, sign there Arsene
TR: *Snoring sounds*

Item 2 –Ivan Gazidis’s changes

IG: I want a director of football, a new medical team, a clear out of the deadwood and 2 new board members with football knowledge
SK: What do you think Arsene? AW: No to all of it especially the board members with football knowledge
SK: Not even John Cross?
AW: Who?
IG: If nothing changes I’ll resign, the MLS want me
SK & AW: OK, bye

Item 3 – Player recruitment

SK: Who do you want Arsene?
AW: What is the budget?
SK: £40m + £1
AW: Can we call it a warchest?
SK: Yes
AW: I know this great African kid in Belgium
SK: Anyone else?
AW: Ok, I’ll make derisory bids then say we tried to sign every world class player
SK: Will they affect the share price?
AW: No, but I’ll ask Ivan
IG: Waaa! Waaa! Waaa! I can’t hear you *IG has fingers in ears*
AW: It won’t, if it does I’ll sell our best players to Manchester City
SK: – Agreed TR: *Snoring sounds*

Item 4 – AOB

SK: Any more for any more?
IG: I resign
SK & AW: are you still here?
SK: Any news on commercial deals?
AW: don’t need them, we can fleece the fans, sorry customers, one thing though…
SK: What’s that Arsene?
AW: The press to be censored so they only say nice things about me, those bloody broken crests they use…
SK: You mean John Cross?
AW: Who?
SK: Never mind, anything else?
AW: Yes – we tell the fans 5th is the new first and they should be happy they get to pay the highest ticket prices in Europe to witness our mental strength
SK: Whatever you say Arsene, you’re the boss just keep my share price up, nothing else matters
AW: Yes Stan I am the boss
TR: *Snoring sounds*

*Meeting Ends*



4 thoughts on “LEAKED: Full transcript from Arsenal Board Meeting


    The next “Wenger out” boy who cancels his season ticket or moves on to support a Championship winning club, I will support and praise, all those who remain and just want to backbite moan and cry like two year olds, get what they deserve, if you do not like the club and cant support it, then GOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo, the place will be better without you.


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