Tag Archives: Nicklas Bendtner

Akpom, Akpom, Chuba Akpom

Yesterday news came out that Chuba Akpom would be returning from his loan spell at Coventry city, and it was instantly made abundantly clear that Nicklas Bendtner, was now even below the Plucky 18 year old in the pecking order for striking options, after his taxi shagging escapades in Copenhagen last week. Where was Bendtner when this news came out I hear you ask? Well, he was rumoured to be in Copenhagen (again) however this time however he was watching the capital team against Randers FC wearing a Copenhagen shirt, he also posted an Instagram photo with the caption “Above it” clearly indicating what he thought of supporting the club paying his contract even though he wasn’t in the squad.Bendtner

Having been at the club since the age of 6 and the news coming out today that Chuba Akpom would be returning from his 2nd loan spell this season, the first being Brentford and the second Coventry City, without a doubt the latter of the two clubs being where Akpom had found more of his success. However when you look at Brentford a bit closer and find out their current manager used to be a city worker its not surprising he took as little risk as possible playing a largely unproven loan striker.

Returning to Chuba Akpom quickly it would suggest that he will be now be Arsenals 3rd striker, although he failed to score in the football league we saw what he was capable of against West Brom at the start of the season (Where coincidentally Bendtner made his come back) carrying the ball a good 60/70 metres before feeding Bendtner who then decided to let the ball run past him and go off for a goal kick.

Although it is unlikely that Akpom will get to see the light of premier league football for a large amount of time, if at all, due to the fact Olivier Girouds body appears to be made of steel (No matter how much rolling around he does) and Yaya Sanogo ahead of him what Akpom will provide is running off of the defender, an element which we’ve certainly been lacking recently and something that arguably our most important player Mesut Ozil needs to show how great he can be, he’s only played 10 minutes in the premier league, against Sunderland at the start of the Season and West Bromwich Albion in the Capital one cup, so teams such as Swansea won’t know what to expect from him, and the thing I believe the fans will love the most about Chuba, is his undenying passion, he has a fire in his belly which could start wood fires on a damp day, ever since I started watching youth football that is the one thing i’ve been unable to not notice, he chases balls for days, he tracks back into the middle of the pitch, collects the ball, picks up a pass and runs, if a decision doesn’t go his way he’s always contesting it with the ref, and if he wins a penalty he’s often very hyped, with high 5’s and chest bounces all over the pitch. He loves Arsenal, pure and simple.Akpom

The fact Akpom didn’t score in the Football League does not give the full story, as the loan had a temporary recall clause he was recalled by Arsenal 3 times in the period of his loan whilst also making 5 appearances for Coventry City and I believe missing 2 coventry games. So not only was he having to adapt to league football he was also constantly travelling between Coventry and London, not to mention before his final Coventry appearance against his former loan team Brentford he had flown to Barcelona on Tuesday and back the day after, this might be expected of premier league hardened footballers however in League one, this is just unheard of (Obviously)

Finally, although Chuba Akpom failed to score on his loan times he didn’t fail to score in the last 2 games he played for Arsenal U19 against Barcelona and against Everton in the FA Youth cup. Furthermore the loan has been very influential to Akpom, not only has he increased his tactical awareness and overall game play, he’s stronger, fitter and perhaps most important for the premier league, faster. Should anything happen to Giroud or we have to rest him before the FA Cup Semi Final, do not be afraid to put your faith in the very passionate young Englishman, we could do a lot worse.



Is Nicklas Bendtner a mechaphile??

So I was planning on doing something about the Tottenham game on Sunday this morning. But things change in football. Especially with Nicklas Bendtner still on the payroll. The Tottenham stuff can wait until tomorrow.

For those have not already read about it, Nicklas Bendtner was recently exposed as someone who likes to have sex with cars. A Mechaphile.

A mechaphile is a paraphilia involving a sexual attraction to machines such as bicycles, motor vehicles, helicopters and aeroplanes. In 2008, a British man admitted to of had sex with over 1,000 cars. What Bendtner’s figure currently stands at is a mystery.

Why someone would find a vehicle attractive is a mystery to me. Fair enough, I can picture someone using the exhaust pipe as a sort of flesh light, of a female using the gear stick as a dildo, but to be sexually attracted to a machine just makes you a wrong in. In some countries, you are put on the sex offenders list for enjoying liaisons with a car. It makes you weirder then a Welshman and his enjoyment of sheep.

But what should Arsenal do with Nicklas Bendtner? His list of shame is slowly starting to catch up Joey Barton.

May 2009 – Pictured falling out of a London nightclub with his trousers down his ankles
August 2009 – Changed his Arsenal shirt number to 52 to reflect is salary, £52,000
September 2009 – Write off his £160,000 Aston Martin in a high speed crash. Was found in his underwear
February 2011 – Dumped his current girlfriend, Baroness Caroline Iuel-Brockdorff, 7 months after she gave birth to his son
December 2011 – Arrested for causing £4,000 worth of damage to cars. Charges dropped
June 2012 – Fined €100,000 after showing his sponsered boxer shorts having scored a goal
March 2013 – Suspended by Denmark for 6 months after being arrested for drink driving
November 2013 – Cautioned for criminal damage within his own apartment block
March 2014 – Drunken rant at a taxi driver, which lead him to dropping his pants and rubbing himself on the taxi on a unathorised trip to Denmark

Nicklas Bendtner is clearly a wrong ‘un. It has been known for a few years, and Arsenal have attempted to ship him out a few times. Firstly to Sunderland after his loan deal, most recently to Crystal Palace on a free. Yet he remains with the club.

It seems that the only person who believes that Bendtner is a top player is Bendtner himself. He once said he could play for Real Madrid or Barcelona. He is more likely to play for HMS Pentoville. So what can Arsenal do with Niklas Bendtner?

There is a call on twitter for Arsenal to sack him. unfortunately it is not as easy as that. Whilst it is clear he has committed gross misconduct, and a court would likely hold up our decision to terminate his contract, the decision would lead to a drawn out process and a costly court case. With his contract expering in June, it would just not be worth our time.

The club should fine him the maximum possible for going abroad without the clubs consent. They should follow this up by telling him he is no longer required to report to training. Hang him out to dry. Keep paying him for the next 11 weeks (or however long his contract has left) and explain that his services are no longer required at the club.

Some who say we should make him rot in the reserves are out of touch. The reserves are now basically our youth team. Sending a disruptive influence like Bendtner to train with the reserves would not be a good move, as there will be a chance that he will pass on his bad attitude to said players. Do we also want him encouraging our youngsters to have sex with cars?

Come the summer, Bendtner will no longer be Arsenal’s problem. Until then, we just keep away from the training ground, especially the car park.


Victory, Permutations, #SleeveGate, Stewards, Empty Seats and Bendtner


The Good: 3 points closer to qualification, 2 goals for Wilshere, 1 goal conceded in 6 games for Szczesny, 67% possession and 112 passes for Ramsey.
The Bad: Overplayed the ball, poor finishing, lackadaisical play, that penakty miss,
The ugly: What was Marseille manager Élie Baup’s all sky blue track suit about?


Forget about the complicated permutations, win or draw and we’re through top, lose by 3+ goals and Dortmund win and we are out. That is all you need to know


For as long as I remember, and probably over twice as long as that, The Arsenal captain has picked the sleeve length, and the rest of the players have followed. It is part of the class and tradition of Arsenal Football Club. Mathieu Flamini, however, feels he is above this. As against Manchester United, he cut his sleeves. His justification is he has been a professional footballer for 10 years, and is more comfortable wearing short sleeves. Is a players comfort above the traditions of a club? Long serving Vic Akers is not happy, Arsene Wenger is reportedly not happy, but can you fine a player for wanting to wear the sleeve length he wants?


Once again, there are reports of over-zealous stewarding. Three stories seem to be appearing from tonight. The first is of an OAP being escorted out after standing up and shouting ‘ARSENAL, ARSENAL’ at a corner. The 2nd is of a father being threatened to be thrown out after holding his daughter in the air celebrating a goal. The 3rd is a steward being reportedly over heard saying “I am going to kick someone out tonight.” I think stewards need to remember they are their to steward the crowd, not police it. After recent performances by our stewards, the club needs to review the matter before more fans are alienated.

Empty Seats

6,000 empty seats at the Emirates tonight. The club do not allow the ticket exchange to be open for Champions League games. This is the main reasoning as fans who travel from Birmingham or Devon (where the chap infront of me travels from weekly) can not make mid week. They then struggle to sell their ticket. This leads to empty seats. Yes, there were problems in South East London, yes it was a bit of a nothing game, yes it was cold, but 6,000 is a lot. I feel it also has a lot to do with people getting bored of the Champions League. A final note is that Marseille had the smallest allocation possible. The club sold all of these extra tickets in the lower tier, so it is missing season ticket holders which is the problem.


Lots or criticism coming Bendtner’s way after his arrest for criminal damage. Silly? Yes. Immature? Yes. But it is certainly not the worst thing as Arsenal player has done whilst still at the club. Were it someone other than Bendtner, we would defend him. Bendtner is stupid, but it’s a nothing story, and we should perhaps remember our ‘naughty history’.